Things still a mess, still not a lot of time, but I have some hours in the late night anymore.

Pretty much bored shitless when I'm not working which is kind of funny.  So, I've posted an ad over in rp_me_tf, but it seems kind of dead over there.  Since I've been out of the tf fandom so long, I haven't a clue where to go looking for finding some rp partners.  Help a gal out?  I'm not looking to get into writing fic again, because every time I try, I set myself up for disaster, and besides, I'm supposed to be working on my second novel while proofing the first.  Eh, I can't just work, so I need a small distraction of 'fun' writing.  However, I've only have one rp partner and the best friend, and our times do not mesh in the least.  She's working or sleeping when I'm up, and I'm working or sleeping when she's up.  

Upcoming Nano

Yes, I'm still alive.  I just have been avoiding LJ.

Anyways, Nano is coming up, and I'm planning on playing again despite everything.   

At this point in my life, I do not write fanfic anymore, and I don't have any intention to write fanfic anymore.

That's not to say I never will again, but, as of this moment?  I don't feel like I will ever manage the mind for it outside of some casual rp, which I'm not even doing much of that.  You can even ask Ms. Maffy, who can attest to that fact.

Anyways, I'm writing about the hardest scene I've ever fought with, because it's a lot of psychological horror versus more visceral, which is a lot of which I have been doing.   Difficult to say the least, especially when hopped up on about six shots of vodka, but oh, what the hell?  At least it takes off some of the awkwardness.  

That said, I could use some pompoms and whatever else.  If you need me, or just want to talk, I should be around aim, I could use some springboards.  If you don't have aim, just drop me a line here.  



Such is life.

Sorry for no posts. Things have been a state of up and down.
I got a job. An up.
The job is hell. A down.
We got new flooring in the house so the house looks almost like a house. An up.
Tippy, our dog of 14 years, passed. A definite down. I know I bitched a lot about him, but he really was a good dog. I miss him. He wagged his tail up until the end. If you're keeping count, that's the third animal death I've had in four months. I'm getting about sick of this shit.
I put in apps. Got a call back from Kohl's. An up.
Hell job gets worse, but can't afford to quit. Kohl's only hired me for part time. A down.
Momo finally gets here. Perfect kitten if ever a kitten.
Finally make progress on my paper for my incomplete class from Spring Semester. Five pages.
Gizzy, the desktop, suffers a catastrophic motherboard or cpu failure. Out of the blue. No warning, notta, just dies.
Paper and everything is on Gizzy.
Drop $50 I don't have to buy a dock.
Kohls still hasn't called back to give me hours after completing my training. This will have been the third time I've tried to get a schedule from them. Tried Saturday. System has gremlins. Called Sunday morning. Told I'll be penciled in on Monday after my shift. After shift, Manager goes awol. Leave note for manager to call. No call. . . Fuck you guys. Seriously. I think I'll just put in for another server position versus waste my time making minimum effing wage and being forced to hawk credit like a whore. Job from hell usually leaves me making $10-$15 an hour. It's insanely hard for a server job, but it's not degrading at least.
Spent all afternoon trying to crack the harddrive.
Finally succeed.
Take Possum to the vet ( the foster ). Possum has mange. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Dip all the cats. Endure scratches. Endure nasty egg smell. Spray the house down. Find out frontline should prevent mange, and hope to hell everyone is protected. Would explain why everyone has had zero signs of anything save for Possum, who was too young to get frontline. Still, next week this time? Dipping cats. In the crock pot. Again.
I swear to the gods, if one more thing goes wrong. . .


It's been a shit weekend and it isn't even over.  Between lack of sleep from a two-week old kitten, and lots of other, well, crap, I'm feeling a bit in the dumps.  I'd be really good for a spam fest in the comments.  That'd be most excellent, I think.  

I'm sorry I haven't been around too much.  I'm still reeling a lot and feeling like a little hermit.  It's work, take care of kittens, work on the garden, take a bunch of benadryl because of the garden, take care of kittens, more worky stuffs, and maybe find some time to sleep.  

Oh.  I got to drive a Pontiac Solstice.  I wasn't much impressed, I don't know if it was just that beat or it really had crappy handling.  Which is shouldn't have for $19k. . .  Hurrrrrr.  

. . . . . .

I lost one of the fosters today. I can't be sure what happened, I went to bed with 6 perfectly healthy babies, with plenty of gushy food and water laid out, and warm nooks to curl up in. I woke up six hours later to five perfectly healthy babies and one on death's doorstep.

He was utterly ice cold, laying away from the others, he lacked motor control and couldn't stand and could only crawl away from me as if he were a week old. I got a hot water bottle prepped, with him wrapped in a blanket and tucked in my shirt. I had just gotten the bottle on him, and was calling out to my mother ( there's no vets in the area that's open on Saturday at 3pm. ( Yes, I'm a night owl, and I've been suffering from insomnia since the loss of my Mimi cat extra hard. ) and she was trying to figure out something out as well, and I knew pretty much as soon as I picked him up when I woke up he wasn't going to make it. I hadn't even talked to her five minutes and he closed his eyes once, gave a little cry, then opened his eyes again and went still. That was it. He was gone.

He wasn't the runt, and I must admit, I've been doting extra hard on the three smallest kittens, Wendy, Dorothy and Logan. Espeically Dorothy, who is especially tiny but thankfully has a voracious appetite. Daniel ( the kitten I lost ) was the third largest, and really more tied with Rhett in size, but Daniel had a lighter bone frame if that makes sense. All I can surmise is that I lost him to a very quick acting Fading Kitten Syndrome or some neurological issue. I lost one kitten to the former about the time I got Mimi, and he went down hill similarly, only over the course of several days and not in less than six hours, but he was an estimated 8w/o kitten. So, I don't know. Daniel didn't hold on long enough for me to know, all I know was he lacked fine motor control, he could not lift himself, he was ice cold, etc, etc. They just had that vet visit on Wednesday.

I'm upset. Man, I've lost three animals in less than a month's time. My shelter dog lost her marbles and killed my special needs cat(Mimi), I had to put down shelter dog because of aggression she had never really shown before ( she had some( two small incidents in four months ) snotty issues as some dogs are certain to do, just never thought anything about it. . . ) and now this poor kitten.

I'm also fearful it could be FELV, though I certainly hope not, because that would mean ALL five remaining kittens have it. As I said, the vet refused to do the test, and she could've possibly really screwed me over with it.

I don't know, looking back, Daniel wasn't the most playful of the kittens, but he was a cuddler. He was the first to purr, and I could turn him over on his back in my hand and scritch his little cheeks and he would just PURR. He wasn't a BIG eater, but I wouldn't say he skimped either, as I said, he was one of the larger kittens.

They had the loose stool before the vet issue, but they've completely solid'ed up, and they've been very healthy since I've had them if but very troublesome with their bathroom issues and then getting them off the bottle so soon, so I've got them on ground kibble mixed with avoderm soft foods because it's not TOO high in protein but still grain free, and it's always nice and oily and leaves my kitties with really nice coats, and they've been pigging out. The first couple days they got puree'd food ( invest in a ninja blender, seriously, they're great ) that I would have to syringe to a couple of the kittens who were either outright refusing or not eating that much. It was mainly Logan and Wendy who fought me, but both of them are now scrambling to hog the plate with the rest. I was still using pedialyte to thin the slurry and mix, but ran out early this morning, but I've noticed no issues, if anyone starts to thin again, well, I guess I'll be going to Walmart, but I think we're out of the woods with that. I'm just scared as hell to go to sleep, too afraid I'm going to wake up and another kitten has succumbed. It is a much bigger litter ( originally six ) than what I'm used to, and I've been told that larger litters usually do not make it wholly intact. I just hope this is it and that everyone is alright from here on out. I'm starting to get attached to the little buggers, and want them to get over their hurdles and make it to good homes!

What the hell, life?

I won't be around for awhile, I have a lot of things to get through.

I'm safe, know that, but I can't function right now.  I've lost my baby.

Mimi is gone. 

After everything we went through, she's gone.

Cheyenne attacked and killed Mimi today.  I did not see it, only her wounds were inconsistent to a small dog bites.  She was mauled.  She was barely alive when I got to the vet to meet up with my dad, who was at the house when it happened.  

I do not know what I am doing with Cheyenne, but I could use all the help I can.  I cannot keep Cheyenne, I cannot keep the dog that killed my baby, the baby who sometimes was all that kept me alive in this world.  

Mimi was four.  She went through hell.  Several times.  And she came back, every time.  

But she didn't make it this time.

I only hope there's a heaven so that she can be there, because if anyone belonged there, it was Mimi.  Mimi was the best cat any person could have, and she was mine.  She made me feel like I was worth something, because she picked me to be her human, and I feel like I have profoundly failed her so much.

I'm sorry to write such sad things, but it's all I can process at the moment.  

My Mimi is gone and she's never coming back.  


So. . .

So, I have a tumblr now.  

Because I needed to be one of the hip or cool kids or something.

Or it's something easy to spam.

That said: